No one is reading this anyway, but I quit I give up trying to fit in or trying to fight for some misguided reason for someone to care if i live or die. I use to have dreams, they are for suckers, and I just refuse to be believe anymore. Everything I ever wanted or thought about wanting is never mine. I'm a damn fool, a moron retarded to the ways of the this shitty pathetic, cold as shit world. I hate you all but not as much as I hate myself I hate myself so much, I'm a liar, and a fool and I'm not half the man my father was nor could be. I'm just here existing in this vacuum of bullshit and lies. So I quit. So this is what hell is like damn, what did I do to deserve this?
Why is it when people know your feeling like shit that they must continue to Fuck with you for no fucking reason, leave me the fuck alone I don't want to bothered, What's Wrong, What;s Wrong it's all I hear all the fucking time, If I felt like telling you I would, So if i don't say anything it's because I don't give a fuck about what you think so just go fuck yourself and leave me the hell alone. What I'm suppose to be happy all the time fuck that. My life sucks and I have to deal with that 24/7 you see me for six or 8 hours tops just deal with your own bullshit and leave me alone.
No I fractured and sprained it according to the doctor, Things are going good I guess If I will not be there to work I will try my damnest to get up there to see you Ash before you live
Having a Real Bad Day. I was on the bus less than 5 minutes from Holiday and I was walking toward the door when the Bus Driver Suddenly and without warning hit the breaks and I flew Forward!!!!! I heard a crack as I hit the ground. I had a nice sized Laceration on my Face and I sprained My Ankle and I'm in alot of pain lol. I got driven to the hospital courtesy of the good folks at the royal oak ambulance company. I had to get 8 stiches and I'm wearing a cast.
Ugh I Feel like Crap, Man What ever this is I gotta Shake it, It's costing me Money. I'm staying home sick today again, I Actually called into Holday today as Many Of you Know I NEVER CALL IN, I wondered if I even knew the number lol, Anyway I'll be chillin in bed Instant Message me with wishes to get well you know The screenname
I talked to his mother and his cousin tonight, Ivan Was going to U of D Mercy and was going to Transfer out eventually, but IVan was Coming home from Class and as he was walking, two unidentfied men approached him and Robbed him, Now Robbing him wasn't good enough for these bastards, they then proceeded to Shoot Ivan Twice Execution Style in the back of the head, This whole situation has hurt me deeply, I'm so sick over this shit you have no idea, I Wish to god they find those evil motherfuckers and I wasn't a Pro Death Penalty Advocate before, But Now I say Strap those Bastards in a chair and let Ivan's Mother Pull the switch! This was a Good Kid, he never caused trouble for anyone, and it scares me the way he died because if you can be as good of a person as he was and still die in such a horrible way, then how the hell am I going to make it out of the Ghetto. I hate when people I care about die but when theire young like my friends Jerome and Ivan were it scares me even more. It's too much for me to handle. I have been stressed out all week and it doesn't seem to get any better, I'm not sleeping well, I keep having nightmares and I just want it to stop, I feel like I'm trapped by Poverty. How long will it be until Too Dudes try to rob me and decide that's not good enough and Shoot me in the back of the head, I don't wanna die like that, I don't want my mother to have to see that. I don't wanna die before I have a chance to truely do something substainal with my life.
Today I walked to the gas station up the block to go grab something a paper and something to snack on like I do every sunday. Today as I walked out of the store I noticed a piece of paper had been posted detailing the murder of a young 18 year old, to my horror I looked up and I saw the picture of my friend Ivan. I must have stood there in the rain looking at the picture for 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it, another person I had watched grow up was now dead. He was 18 years old and such a good kid, I mean he was something a family could be proud of and they were I'm sure. Ivan was going to go to Grambling State University in the fall and was making a movie at the moment. See that's how we became friends, Since I'm into Film Making myself and so is Ivan My ex friend Jovan introduced us and we we're all friends. and Now this 18 year brilliant kid will never live to fufill his dreams. Ivan I don't know if you can hear or read this where ever you are now but I want to thank you for your friendship and the impact you have made on my life. Rest in Peace Man, Now your Finally free
I know no one ever reads this but I just felt I had to say something. Today march 9th 2006 was suppose to be my dad's 68th birthday but of course he's not here to celebrate with me or my brother Raheem. I wish I had spent more time with this man later in his life. I guess I could claim I was going though my own shit at the time, but that seems like a horrible copout. I don't have much to say other than Don't be anything like me. I know some of you have parent issues, let it go. It's not really worth it to go through all that drama and stuff. Alot of you are young some of you are just becoming adults take it from someone just a little bit older, live life for today and love the people around you because you wouldn't be you without those people to make some impact on Your Life
This year has been about alot of first's for me. I remember what it was like the first day after I found out my father died. I remember what it was like the first day after I returned to school after 4 years. last Monday I found what it was like to have my first birthday with out my father. I can't explain it but I can't stop crying. I never cried at my dad's funeral, but i think it has just hit me that he is gone.. I feel Horrible :( I'm going to go to bed I don't feel good.
What a Shitty day this has been, I hate this shit I'm ready to fucking punch someone in the face. This has been the worst fucking day. Fuck this year hasn't been good so far either> I go to Work I catch shit from the boss, I go home I catch shit from moms I go to School the teachers wanna give me attitude too. I'm sick of this shit do you fucking people think your the only ones with problems. No one gives a shit about me though so fuck you can all go fuck your selves
Take the quiz: Which indy wrestler are you? Alex Shelley You are Alex Shelley, master of the Border Cty Stretch and the Shellshock. Trained under Breyer Wellington, Truth Martini, Scott D'Amore and Legend, you've got everything you need to go far in this business.
Woooooooo Today is My Brother Raheem's Birthday, Happy 30th Big Brother.
but as he explained to me over the Phone and online this birthday wasn't a big deal and i knew why it's cause our dad isn't here. Every birthday that he couldn't be there, he would call and tell us how much he loved us and reminded us of the day he first saw us come into the world. as a kid you kinda of get tired of hearing the same story over and over but as a man I would give anything to here my dad tell me happy birthday big man come February. Too any of you that have lost a parent I'm sure you understand, to those who haven't I Gues it's Like you lose someone who you always think will be there and then like that their gone. I never really understood that unitl this moment. I know some of you have issues with the parental units, hey I'm not saying they can't be a total pain in the ass but Please please never take them for granted. Sure their not perfect not by a long shot but neither are any of us. There people too we tend to forget that. They make mistakes too. BAD ONES AT times but they're our family we come from them. and We should love them no matter what because that is what real Unconditional love is, it's loving someone no matter how flawed they are.
I'm really sick and tired of people talking to me any kind of way. I 'm sick of being disrespected. If I ask you a question about how your doing and how your feeling or what's going on in your life; it's only cause i care what happens to you, even if you don't give a shit about me. I don't deserve to get my head chewed off for asking a question. People seem to think they can talk to me anykind of way and I'll just take it. I'll tell you all this, I'm warning you If people keep treating me bad expect to get your fucking feelings hurt. What You think your the only one with fucking problems please, You can kiss my ass you have no ideas what problems are. You got it all and yet you still think you can talk to anyone any kind of way, fuck that and FUCK YOU TOO Motherfucka
Well I went up to Occ and Got a Loan to cover my tuition For school Hopefully I'll Get Approved and Be back in school Oh god I hope so I'm Excited i can't wait. Pray that The Loan Gets Approved
It's about 5 Days since my dad's funeral and I don't know i still don't think it's hit me yet that he's gone, i mean i never cryed once i don't know why, aren't i suppose to feel something? , i mean my father dying is a definitive event in my life .....yet i still feel numb;not to mention i have to worry about tuition for occ. I have to have payment ready by Dec 12th and it's just so overwhelming, this is just a part of being an adult i guess but everything seems to be moving so fast and it almost seems out of my control.
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napleondynamite's journal
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